Pockets Full of Sunshine

Resting on the palm of God’s large, outstretched hand were tiny orbs of yellow light, “Sunshine,” he whispered to my heart, stacked in a golden pyramid. “For her pockets,” God spoke gently to my soul. 

Sitting on the ground, her knees were drawn up to her chest and her arms were wrapped around her legs with her hands clasped together, her head was down resting between her knees. 

“God would like to fill your pockets with sunshine,” I said softly.

A small sound escaped her lips, “ok.” 

I could tell, deep inside, she didn’t want it. “You don’t have to use it now,” I continued. “I imagine that is why they are for your pocket. When you are ready, you can reach in and receive,” I paused, feeling for what the right word might be, “help, from the heavens.” 

“Will you sit with me?” she asked. 

“Of course,” I replied, settling beside her.

The orbs of light rolled across the ground and filled her pockets as full as they could be. Each side of her pants glowed a bright, golden yellow. 

“I don’t want them,” she murmured. “I just don’t want to hurt anymore.” In response, the golden orbs shifted to a sorrowful blue — the color of grief. “Just make them white,” she whispered, her voice barely a breath. Honoring her request, the blue orbs faded, shifting to white — the color of peace. 

“I don’t want to shine. I would like peace,” she softly whispered again. The white orbs glowed a brighter white, the light expanded from her pockets to form one giant orb that enveloped us both. 

“Where two or more gather, let there be peace,” God’s voice bellowed in the Heavens, but I was the only one that heard it. I sat with her for many heavenly hours and I realized what God had said was a blessing, for when she is with anyone else, or more, there will be peace. Peace in her heart, peace in her mind, peace in her soul. 

“What about when she is alone?” I asked. 

God pointed to her pockets. The orbs had returned to yellow. He had filled every pair of pants that she owned, every pocket in her jackets, every hoodie pocket, and each and every single pocket in any piece of clothing that she owned.

“I am with her, love, she is never alone. But, if she’d like, she can pray for some sunshine.” 

Zooming in on the sunshine orbs, each one revealed a unique memory; happy moments of her life, moments filled with love, laughter, and joy. Images of her children, memories of their triumphs, love, and laughter. Images of her extended family, celebrations, milestones, and shared happiness. Images of her husband and his deep love for her and memories from their life together. 

God switched places with me in the orb of white light that had surrounded us. He wrapped his left arm around her and he whispered to her soul, “I’m so very sorry for the pain I have caused you.” The words, infused with healing, traveled directly to her broken heart. Each letter a small amount of balm, gently mending the anger, frustration, hurt, and grief that broke her heart in the first place. 

“You took my loved ones,” she said through clenched teeth. 

“I gave you incredible men to love,” God replied with sorrow and understanding. 

She cried. “And you took them,” she breathed as tears fell across her cheeks. 

“Love, I know this was not what you had planned. I am very sorry for your pain. They are not lost, love. They live in your heart every day.” 

God continued to sit with her as swirls of golden light danced in a spiral around them. Every so often, the white orb would flash purple, a gentle healing for grief, representing brief moments of acceptance and brief moments of surrender. 

“Love,” God spoke to her soul, his voice soft and tender, “healing a pain this deep will take time. A great love takes time, healing the pain of that love takes time. I ask you to give yourself grace.” God showed her all of her full pockets of golden orbs. She gently laughed at the silly image of all of the orbs stuffed into all of her pockets throughout her entire house, some spilling on the floor. 

“Let love heal your heart, love.”

She rested her head on God’s shoulder and cried, and cried, and cried. With every tear that fell to the ground, new orbs of golden light appeared. 

God’s arms remained around her, “When you are ready, love. When you are ready.”